Effective Apologies in Negotiations
Is this a mea culpa moment where an acknowledgement of one’s fault or error is appropriate? You or your predecessor or your company may have done something that eroded trust in the relationship. The originating causes can be diverse in character: slight or major; personal or organizational; obvious or unnoticed; offensive or costly.
It is natural for someone to hold back when a trust issue remains unresolved. Watch for clues, and Probe. You may hear about
- A quality issue that was technically compliant but caused trouble for your customer;
- An offensive remark of one of your team members; or
- A late payment that cost your supplier dearly.
Common wisdom is “Just apologize, and they’ll move on.” Maybe true in life, but in negotiations, the apology needs to be effective to rebuild the level of trust critical for people to share their interests.
Key ingredients of an effective apology:
- Price of entry: Listen, understand, and show understanding!
- 3 standard essentials: Show regret, take responsibility, and ask for forgiveness
- Lasting Fix: Determine what solution will allow trust to grow. Three most common are a need for empathy, compensation, or acknowledgement of violated norms. Just fix it!
At a minimum, you need to know enough to determine if interests are aligned. If you have enough data and insight to see a potential fit, you can proceed. If you don’t have enough information to determine alignment of interests, not to worry – you’ll learn more about their interests when you negotiate the agenda as you see their priorities and preferences. You’ll also learn more about their interests in Bargaining when you Probe for information to support their proposal.