What if Probing isn’t working?

“Why” and “Why not” can feel like an attack.

How else can we ask Why to engage rather than interrogate? Four approaches:

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1. Direct the question to the circumstance and NOT the person

Perceived attack: Why do you, Why did you, Why can’t you…All about the person

Rephrase: Ask “Why” about the situation rather than the person

Examples:

• Why are the invoices being paid so late?
• Why is low volume penalized when the whole market is suffering?

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2. Give context to your “Why” question

Perceived attack: Why does Engineering want to be paid for a prototype?

Rephrase: Add context with facts and circumstances that are the unspoken basis of your inquiry

Examples:

• Given that we haven’t paid for prototypes in the past, and do such a large volume of business with you, why is the Engineering group asking for payment for this prototype?
• We understand the supply base has consolidated and there are fewer players, but one would think that would allow for cost reductions. Help me understand why you are increasing prices?

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3. Use language that demonstrates your sincere curiosity & empathy

Examples:

• Help me understand why…
• Can you tell me more about why….
• It sounds like you don’t trust the simulation. Is there something I don’t know?
• Can you share why this is important or who this is important to that might help me better understand the need?
• If we were able to do this, what would you do with the prototype?
• If I knew more about the reason behind your request, I’d have a more fruitful discussion with my team

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4. Intermix or rephrase with other open-ended questions - What, How, Who

You want to ask: Why is this important to you?

Ask instead: What makes this important to you?

Other Examples:

• How can we overcome this challenge?
• Who else has ideas on this?
• Where have you seen this work?

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Still no response to your Why question? What do you think is wrong?

• There hasn’t yet been sufficient rapport/bonding – no trust
• They aren’t allowed to say or don’t feel authorized to reveal
• They fear the reason will curtail their leverage
• They are difficult to deal with
• They like the feeling of being a powerful customer/supplier/Stakeholders
• They don’t need you – so not negotiating in good faith